Fears that kept me back from starting my business

Intro

Today marks 7 weeks since I have started my sustainable haircare brand-Merm Haircare. 7 weeks sounds both so long and so short. Through these past weeks I've had days where I felt like everything is coming so easily and starting this business is my calling in life. However, there have been some days where I literally just want to lay in bed and cry because everything seems so impossible and so expensive. I still have absolutely no idea what I am doing but I think I have learned more actual life skills than I think I learned through my years at college. 

What got me to this point

When I was in high school I was really good at chemistry (I guess as good as you can be when the hardest chemistry class you can take is AP chemistry). I also really loved makeup and beauty and my mom suggested that I become one of the people that "makes makeup". So I decided that I wanted to become a cosmetic chemist. After the first year or two of college I began to realize that chemistry wasn't exactly what I thought it was. I wanted less lab reports and more Harry Potter style potion making. However, I had already gotten at least halfway done so I decided to finish it out with the hopes of getting a job for some big beauty company in R&D. 

In the back of my head though, I always wanted to start my own business. I wanted to be on the creative side of things. I wanted to see a vision come to life. I wanted to work for myself. But something was stopping me...

I'm scared of being poor

Firstly, I'm freaking terrified of having no money. I am the type of person that craves stability. I hate not knowing when the next time I am going to make money and I like knowing that if I buy something frivolous, the money will be back in my account by X amount of time.

I spent a lot of money and time on my degree

Let's get one thing straight. Getting a degree in chemistry is HARD. Blood, sweat, and tears went into that degree and it's hard to see it going to waste. I am not really using anything I technically learned in college. The main thing that school taught me was how to get through hard times and how to figure out the answer even when it seems impossible.

I'm scared of failing

As of the day this blog is published I have made a grand total of $0 in sales and it will probably stay that way for a long time and an even longer time till I completely make back all of the money I have invested into the business. If it doesn't work out I am scared that I will have to get a regular job and I will be behind all of my peers in the job search category. The good thing is that the fear of having to work a normal job again is what is pushing me to keep going.

I'm scared of what people think

I am scared that I will have to admit to my friends and family that I failed at starting a business. The one job I can actually see myself doing my whole life. I'm also scared that my parents and family and friends think that I am just wasting my time doing something that is making me no money right now.

I don't know what I'm doing

Let's get something else straight. I have no idea what I am doing. Most of my decisions are made using intuition, Chat GPT, and a hope that I can actually sell something someday. I know there is no way for any business owner to know what they are doing at first but it still seems very scary to think that I am the ultimate decision maker when I am literally just guessing on everything.

Conclusion

Maybe this is more of a journal for myself to let off some worried steam, but I am hoping someone reads this and relates to what I am feeling. Starting a business takes a lot more time and energy than I was anticipating in a very different way than what I was anticipating but I would still 100% rather be doing this than literally anything else. I am hoping these fears inspire me to keep going despite what my inner voices sometimes tell me.